Muffin Tops and Mayhem

The joy of buying new jeans

On Saturday 4th July (Day 99) I was on a mission. Firstly a trip with my Mum and the Lovely Girls to get a haircut. Secondly I needed some new jeans.

My size 12 (but US size 8 – this always makes me happy) jeans could now be pulled down without being undone. I accept that there are certain circumstances in which this could be an advantage. On at least one occasion, when I was bursting for a wee, I slid those baggy suckers down in a hurry without undoing them. I felt like a skinny Barbie in Action Man’s trousers.

However, advantages aside, I had to acknowledge that it wasn’t a great look. I’d hoped that I would be able to put off buying more jeans until I was even smaller but it wasn’t to be.

I hate buying jeans; I hate buying jeans so much that if I find a pair that fits I tend to stick with them and buy pair after pair.

We went to the hairdresser’s and while the others were being ‘done’ Lovely Girl #2 and I scooted around the shops. We went to Gant (really lovely jeans but didn’t have my size), The White Company (no fitting rooms were open so it was a non-starter) and Jigsaw (simply didn’t fit).

I had just about given when Lovely GIrl #2 said “Let’s go into Levi’s, there is a sale on”.

Since Nick Camen started stripping off in that launderette in 1985 I have wanted a pair of Levi jeans. In the 1980s all of my friends wore 501s but they didn’t fit or flatter me. It has always been one of life’s great disappointments.

As I entered that store I had zero expectations.

I am (let’s be kind here) a woman with life experience, in charge of a belly that (until recently) should have belonged to a darts player and lacking in the stature department. Nothing in this store was going to fit me.

I tentatively asked an assistant if they had something high waisted with a slightly slimmer leg than the ones that I was wearing, in a dark colour. She suggested a 721 High Waisted Skinny. They had 5 different shades.

I still didn’t hold out any hope that they would fit.

She asked my size and I said apologetically “I’m not sure I think size 12 will be too big but I’m not sure if I’ll get into a 10 – really I’m probably an 11”. She replied with “Oh that’s no problem – we do a size 11”.

Now just hang on a minute here. How did I not know about this?

I could feel my excitement rising – after 35 years of longing was I really going to own a pair of Levi’s?

The assistant was incredibly helpful and I staggered into the changing room with an assortment of sizes and colours.

I quickly established that the 29 waist (size 12/13) was too big. The lady in the fitting room was lovely and suggested other styles that might work. She told me that the waist would give a bit as I wore them so I shouldn’t buy them too big. Also that the length wasn’t a problem as they could alter them for free in store.

I couldn’t believe it. I’d passed through the gates of heaven to a world where shop assistants were cheery and nothing was too much trouble. And what’s more, in this wondrous land – jeans fitted.

The size 28s were perfect. The waist was high, the legs weren’t too skinny and the quality was amazing. It was like my jean buying universe had shifted from black and white to glorious technicolour.

I wanted to buy a pair in every shade but my sensible side said ‘No – come back and do that when you have reached your target and are in a smaller size’.

I chose the ‘Out on a Limb’ blue which was a mid blue colour because they were the most comfortable.

And then, with Angels singing and playing harps around me, I got to the till and Lovely Girl#2 said “I’ll get these for you mum – you do so much for me”.

Sometimes I wake up at night in a cold sweat wondering whether that amazing Levi’s shop in Guildford was real.

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