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Day 61 – “I want to be fat again”

Today has been a good day. My food has been spot on and I trained so hard with Luke at lunchtime that at one point I lay on the floor and said (in my usual overly dramatic fashion) “I don’t want to do this anymore, I want to be fat again”.

After nearly 9 weeks of training, Luke knows about my tendency towards melodrama. He has the measure of me and he told me to get up and do another set of 15 three-quarter zombie squats. I did 20.

Every time I train I learn a little more about myself; it really annoys me if I can’t do something and it irritates me for days if I have to stop during a set because my legs are shaking so much I can’t stand up.

I loved the training session. It was the hardest and best thing I have done in decades. The afternoon passed in a happy but exhausted state.

Catherine the Great sent me pictures of what she was eating and I sent her a screen shot of my day 2 journal. I had been putting off uploading my daily journals to the blog but I realised today that it would be easier for them to be all in one place than texting them to her every day.

My intention had been that, once the blog was set up, I would go back through each journal entry and write about it before posting it. I have lived with myself long enough to know that I have a tendency to both perfectionism and procrastination – if I can’t do it perfectly then I tend not to want to do it at all.

If I upload the journals at my usual rate I’ll still be doing it at Christmas. I need to get this done without my usual amount of faffing about.

The prospect of putting my journals out there is scary. I didn’t start writing them with a view to anyone seeing them other than Luke. The goblins in the darkest recesses of my soul have been whispering that everyone will be critical of what I eat, in the unlikely event that anyone is interested at all. I distracted them with the promise of cake if they shut up, and it worked for a while.

Today’s food and exercise journal:

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