Week 11 – Journals

Week 11’s journals are separate from the progress photos. I wanted to keep momentum with publishing the progress photos even though it meant that the journals would have to lag behind.

Day 71:

I woke up with a good idea. In order to increase my protein I thought that I’d mix a scoop of Natural Sunwarrior protein power into my porridge.

To say that it was inedible was an understatement; I don’t believe in wasting food but I had to throw it away and start again. The only option was to make porridge and a separate smoothie.

I blended the Natural Sunwarrior with almond milk and added ice. Usually, I can force down most things but I struggled with this. The smell of this protein powder really turned on me – it smelt like the inside of a vacuum cleaner.

Day 72:

What happened this morning was all my fault. I put the lives of me and my dog at risk and I should have known better. Having lived in the countryside for most of my life I know that you don’t go wandering into a field without checking for livestock first.

I woke early this morning and was out of the door by 6:45. My plan was to do the 4 mile walk that I do about 2 or 3 times a week. Today was a cardio day so 10,000 steps before breakfast would be a nice bonus in addition to an hour of cycling later on.

It was a beautiful morning, the sun was shining and I was happily power walking through a field of barley listening to my wild and varied workout playlist. I had just crossed the field in the photo below and turned back to take a photo of the path. Ahead was a kissing gate leading into another field.

I have a well trained and well behaved dog but without warning she shot off like a rocket, negotiated the kissing gate without me, and went tearing across the next field. By the time I got to the gate I realised that there were cows in the field ahead.

On autopilot I ran through the gate after her screaming her name. It was very much a Fenton moment with added peril. If you haven’t seen the ‘Oh Jesus Christ! Fenton!’ youtube clip then I’d recommend that you take a look, it still makes me laygh (https://www.youtube.com/watch?reload=9&v=3GRSbr0EYYU). There was no way I could catch up with her and six or seven paces into the field I knew that we were both in danger.

So many things flashed through my mind: my dog was going to get killed and I wouldn’t be able to save her; if the cows stampede I could die; I was too far from the gate; I needed to get out of the field; christ are there calves because if there are then we are really in shit; what will happen to my girls if I die today?

I turned and ran. I knew that if my dog thought I was running in the other direction she would follow me. She did. We got through the gate.

The cows didn’t seem very happy about the intrusion and started to line up. The ringleader stamped the ground with his hoof.

From the safety of the other side of the gate, and with my dog secured, I realised that they were bullocks (so less likely to charge at us than cows with calves); nevertheless, they were bloody big.

I walked back across the fields with tears streaming down my cheeks. This was partly due to the relief that we were ok, partly because of the guilt of my own stupidity.

Later in the day I did an hour on the exercise bike which made my knees hurt.

My water intake was awesome and the protein was more than 100g. I don’t intend to get into the habit of eating ham. This was Naked ham which is free of nitrates.

I spent my afternoon researching and writing a post on fat loss v. weight loss.

Day 73:

One of my life’s great pleasures is waking early and spending 10 minutes looking at the news headlines. There was one this morning that caught my eye:

I had a moment of pure terror. I was doing it wrong.

Now, I know for a fact that it’s not possible to transform your body in 4 weeks – I’m living proof of that. I have worked hard, really hard, and got great results so far but it isn’t possible to transform your body in 4 weeks no matter what the headlines say. I know this.

So why did this headline make me feel like a failure?

Kayla Itsines is great – I have nothing but respect for her and the global business that she has built. She is very good at what she does and I have used her app. I gave myself housemaid’s knee in the process – but that was my fault not hers.

This type of headline is the reason why, in the past, I had unrealistic expectations and constantly felt like a failure.

We are fed the lie that, after years of sitting on a sofa eating crap, we can transform like a phoenix from the ashes in 4 weeks. It isn’t true and it isn’t possible.

As a result I started Monday in quite a bad mood.

I was still in a bad mood when I got home but unsurprisingly after a massive workout I felt happy and bouncy again.

Day 74:

It was my birthday. Luke told me to have a day off an eat whatever I wanted. My head ran amok: Eton mess with my Mum’s meringues; Tyrell’s crisps and proper home-made chips.

However, when I really thought about I didn’t want the sugar. The hangover I’d had last week was horrendous and I realised that the pleasure of lighting up my brain with sugar simply wasn’t worth the after effects.

The psychological aspect of the change in my relationship with food left me feeling quite emotional today.

I didn’t want to eat the foods that traditionally I had found pleasure in, but I didn’t want to lose that bond either. I had a nagging feeling that I was in the throws of saying goodbye to something that had been important to me.

My mum was making dinner and I’d asked for steak and salad. She made a vegan caramel chocolate brownie as a birthday cake for everyone else to enjoy. For me, she made strawberries dipped in 90% chocolate.

I had a very small amount of the brownie, literally a couple of teaspoons. It was impossible not to when everyone around me was saying how wonderful it was.

As you can see from my notes – my arm tightened up again after yesterday’s workout.

I didn’t eat all of the strawberries shown in the photo – I ate 5.

Day 75:

I felt better for having had a day off although my arm was still a bit niggly.

My smoothie was disgusting. It took all of my strength to keep it down. I don’t know what was different but this one was rather more earthy than normal.

I did a huge workout and felt great.

Day 76:

No change in “weight” but my clothes felt looser today.

I had a crazy day in the office. By the time I got home I wanted to kill/drink wine/run away.

There was only one thing for it, I put my kit on and got on the bike. After an hour of cycling (keeping my heart rate in the 130s) I felt great.

Dinner was later than I would have liked but that was the price of starting the cardio session late.

Day 77:

I felt much brighter this morning I woke early and took the end of Week 11 progress photos.

It was a good day, I ate well and drank lots of water.